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You have been happily dating/married to the love of your life for several years. Suddenly you discover your sweetie has been hiding a stack of letters from you. He/she is very secretive about the letters, won't tell you who the letters are from, and refuses to throw them away. What would you do?
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If he or she is hiding letters or anything for that matter, they are probably hiding much much more. Why bother with a man or a woman so secretive. Their is'nt any excuse worth fighting over if its someone who loves you. If he/she didn't appear to be secretive I would say just forget about it and trust them, but clearly secretiveness is posting as some kind of threat. Always go with your gut, if you know he or she is loyal then move on with out exhausting yourself.
ReplyDeleteAlephia A.
If my husband were to do that i would feel like i couldn't trust him. I would ask him why he didn't want me to know about the letters. I would be very mad. I would also probably when he is away at work try to find then and confront him with them and give him the choice of throwing then away unless they are from family or do it my self.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was growing up, my friends/boyfriends and I passed notes to each other in class, in the hallways between classes, and stuck notes in each other’s lockers. It was easy to write notes. The teacher saw us writing, and just assumed we were taking notes on his/her lecture! By the time I finished high school, I had literally hundreds of notes, cards and letters from friends and boyfriends.
ReplyDeleteI got engaged my second year of college -- I was all of 19 years old. My fiancé (now ex-husband) was jealous of any other male, be he friend or ex-boyfriend. I distinctly remember, a few weeks before the wedding, taking my box of notes, cards, letters and photos to the garage, and slowly, reluctantly throwing them into the garbage can. I even had letters from a friend who was serving in Vietnam! The most difficult were the things from my first love, Larry Eugene Landreth, Jr. I threw most of the notes away, but held on secretly (and with much guilt and trepidation) to the most treasured items.
Ironically, about three years into my marriage, I innocently discovered my husband had a stack of letters and photos from his first love. I was pretty upset, especially in lieu of my own "sacrificed" momentos. He refused to get rid of them, and was quite angry with me for "finding" them. It probably bothered me for awhile, but I know I got over it and thereafter felt justified for keeping what I'd kept from Larry.
Over the years I'd forgotten all about my "secret stash." One day, while unpacking boxes after my move to New York, I discovered them again. I tried for a year after that to find Larry on Classmates.com, to no avail. One day, though, I found his younger sister. We exchanged numbers and ended up talking on the phone for hours. It was then I learned that Larry had died tragically in his early 30's.
Now, at this age, for me, anyone I might consider a romance with has a past. As long as his past doesn't interfere with our present and future, he can keep whatever he wants for that occasional stroll down memory lane -- as long as he doesn't have a problem with me taking my own strolls as well.
I would get over it. Unless he's pyshical cheating on me i would not care about what i assume might be some old love letters. Especially if they are from your first love. i know no matter who i marry i will always love my first love just a bit more. he is after all my first love. you can't get over first love...no matter how hard you try. i know from experience...
ReplyDeleteMichelle A.
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ReplyDeleteI'm not sure what would be my reaction because i am a very jealous person, so i will think that those letters are from his ex girlfriend or someone special that he can't forget. I think i would ask him first about the letters, and if he doesn't give any reason that i can trust then i will just go away, i can't live with someone who is hiding part of his life from me. I am his wife not someone else that is a guest in that house.
ReplyDeleteAngie A.
I believe that everyone is entitled to secrets, but just like in the story "Her Letters," there are some secrets that are too big to ignore. If I were to discover these letters, I don't think I would able to assume anything other than the absolute worst. Thoughts of what the letters contain, or who they might be from, would constantly pervade my thoughts. I think I would be unable to trust my significant other until I knew the letter's contents. I would most likely open them, after weeks of torturing myself about whether or not I should, and what I might find if I did.
ReplyDelete-Zoe D.
Hypothetically speaking, if it's the love of my life, then it wouldn't be a problem. Love is something that doesn't happen over night. If you love someone, that means you trust them with your life. So if I trust someone with my life, why would I consider there is any wrong doing. As long as I love that person, they can do no wrong in my book. People married, friends, co-workers or family are entitled to there own privacy and space. I feel that if there is no privacy or space in a relationship, it is not a healthy relationship.
ReplyDelete(you shouldn't have to go through your significant other's cell phone to look up recent text's and vise versa, if so, get out of the relationship!)
i will talk to him, and i would like to know everything. i don't know if i will forgive him, but if i love him and he loves me and we want to work it out i will try to go into a specialist to help us. it is hard to trust him again but little by little.
ReplyDeleteMelissa H.
if you cant share something as small as letters with me what else could you possibly be hiding.i wouldnt really turn it into a huge deal but i would take a side note and start to take a closer look at everything hes doing.what else could he be hiding would always be on my mind.
ReplyDeleteSolange M.
Why he has to hide his secret letters when we love each other? There shouldn't be anything to keep away to the lover one. I would nicely ask him to throw it away. In case he refuse after several times, I would play "My GAME" now.I would "pretend" that I have my own secret thing that I don't want him to go on it too. If he really wants to discover what I hide for him, he should tell me first what he has.
ReplyDeleteMarie E.
I would take the letters and look at them anyway. Its obvious that she is trying to hide something from me, I think I have every right to know, especially if we have been together for a long time. -Victor W.
ReplyDeleteI sincerely believe that, the fact that you are married doesn`t mean your partner has to know everything. There was a classic example that happened years ago when a lady found out that, her husband has a life insurance over a 10 Million dollars and conspired to get him killed. I would therefore say, if you see your partner with some papers and he/she doesn`t want you to see them, may be it is for your own good and it will come a time when he/she will unvail it to you. Secrets are meant to be secrets and those who try invade them sometimes end up on the bad side.I wouldn`t pursue that agenda of getting to know what the papers are but will keep an open eye on every 'move' he/she makes from then on.
ReplyDeleteAndrew o. Ansah
I personally think for a relationship to work both, the husband and the wife must trust each other and there should no hidden secrets. However, all of us have atleast one secret that we don't like to share with anyone and it might be alright if we dont share it because it could be to personal, but if we hide secrets such as --- theres another person that we like and "love" besides our parther and both of you exchange letters then THATS WRONG. If this is the case then I believe both should talk about the situation and clear to each other who this other person is and get rid of the letters and the other person forever. If he/she refuses to get rid of the letters and dosen't want to tell you who the other person is then the "relationship"(marriage) isn't a relationship anymore. I would consider that cheating and I think theres no reason to be together anymore.
ReplyDeleteIf this situation were to occur to me it would be difficult to look past. While it may seem to most that the partner may be guilty of infidelity or worse, I think it would stem from the person being unable to move past an old flame. If this were the case it would be absolutely devastating, because while you're madly in love with someone, they're in love with someone else, and there is no worse pain than that.
ReplyDelete-Jeff M
if i found letters that belonged to the person i loved, i would want to know about them and read them all. We all have a past before we meet someone, some people share everything and others like to leave certain memories out. But if the refused to "share" the story behind the letters and pictures or whatever it might be i would become very upset and question the fact of what the truth really is.
ReplyDeleteAshley C
If i found out my girlfriend was secretly writing letter to someone I would be very curious. I would probably read them and try to get to the bottom of it. Everyone is entitled to their secrets but if teh secret is soemthing that could affect my relationship than I feel liek I am entitled to know. -Robert Letizia
ReplyDeleteIn this situation, I would try and talk to my "girlfriend" and try to get the honest information out of the scenario. If she were to continue to keep it a secret, especially to her loved one (me), then there is an issue with her trust. In that case, I would move on since there would be little point in building the relationship further if there was an issue that wasn't going to be resolved.
ReplyDelete-Sam G.
i would respect her privacy,and not bother her about it. if she loves me thats all that would matter.
ReplyDeletebilal j